BE THE CHANGE

The hardest thing about needing help is asking for it.

I wish I could be heartless, and just do what is best for me. I wish I could just care about myself and then maybe I would actually get what I want rather than nothing at all.

I know, well I hope nobody ever reads what I write on here because it is just to vent. Tonight something happened and it was a bad wake up call to how little I actually have. I am completely alone, even when I am in a room full of people none of them truly knows me, what my past holds, what my mind holds. I can’t open up to people and when I do I find I just get let down or they don’t actually care.

Everybody has become so selfish these days. I would do anything for almost anybody and in return I just get walked over. I guess this is why I don’t have a best friend, a boyfriend or anybody remotely close to me. Everybody that has ever been really close to me has hurt me, so how am I ment to keep going knowing that I’m just going to get hurt.

I never ask for help, ever. I can’t bring myself to say the words “I need help” but I truly do. I need help, I need somebody close to me that will just sit with me and won’t leave until they know I’m okay.

I know I can’t keep going the way I am, I used to be able to control the way I think but with each day that passes and with each thing that happens I am becoming less and less in control.

I hate myself, my appearance and how I’m starting to think. It’s hard to change your thoughts when you can’t even open up to anybody 100% and then trust them to care about you as much as you care about them.

I just want somebody who will tell me it will be okay and actually mean it. I can’t stand attention so I post this on here because none of you could care less and it gets it out of my system.

So once again I am going to go out and drink until I can’t remember my problems for another day.